What you don't know ( bout tour own strengths ) will hurt you

What You Don’t Know (About Your Own Strengths) Will Hurt You 
by DEANNA MURPHY

I have a newsflash for you, which may not be a surprise to you. Are you ready? Here it is: your biggest strengths can also be your biggest weaknesses if you are unaware! Imagine that? The very gifts you have been given, to use as tools to help you survive and thrive, the very strengths you have that allow you to positively impact others, can also act to your detriment. Knowing this, and knowing how it is true for you, can bring about a powerful transformation, which allows you to selectively use your strengths in ways that serve you, rather than hurt you.


Take my client, Emily (not her real name) for example—a gifted director of a large division of a highly profitable company. Emily has the remarkable strength which Gallup calls Empathy. She is very attuned to the needs of others, and can feel what others feel—but often, she is unable to turn it off. She is a veritable human barometer, tuned to all the hurt and pain around her, and can often become sad and frustrated very easily. Those feelings can create anxiety and trigger her strength of Responsibility, leaving her to take ownership for every problem that comes her way, and leave her working way harder to solve the problems of her direct reports—harder than they, themselves, do. Of course, they love this about her. But it is burning her out and has caused more-than-usual sick days and unexplained illnesses, not to mention the feelings of overwhelm she experiences every day in her work.

All of us likely have an over-use pattern associated with our strengths, whether it is becoming overly trapped by the emotions of others, being overly responsible in solving problems, over-thinking something, or acting too quickly. We are triggered unexpectedly by situations that invite us to draw on our strengths—but sometimes we act instinctively without considering the ramifications.

How do you know you are over-using a strength?

First, notice what it feels like when you do. Often, it starts out innocently. Our strengths kick in to solve a problem, or respond to a crisis. We put our heads down, dig our heels in, and start to move. Energy is high and it feels good. This is in part the gift in our strengths.

But more is not always better. The first piece of chocolate cake tastes amazing, but fifteen pieces later, you might start to feel kind of sick, and wish you had stopped sooner.

Using strengths is kind of like that.

If you are over-using your strengths, inevitably you will find yourself beginning to feel frustration, tension, and other negative emotions. You will find yourself more critical of others, less open to them, because you are increasingly trapped by your own strengths perspective. It can begin to have negative ramifications, and impact your ability to perform effectively, as well as relate positively to others. This tells you that you may have the volume control turned up a little too high on one or two of your strengths, and it is time to dial back just a bit.

That is when you have the power to choose. You can mentally reset the volume control, just a little lower. You might find a different strength to focus on, which also brings you energy—and automatically the over-used strength begins to soften, dial back, and slip back into balance. As you are increasingly tuned into yourself, you can become very adept at managing to use your strengths in balance with one another—rather than dialing up one strength or another and letting it play a grand solo.

Playing from a balanced set of strengths is like contributing to a grand symphony, where each strength raises its voice in harmony with the others to create a remarkable and beautiful outcome. That is so much better than one strength (or instrument!) playing solo.

Where are you overusing your strengths? What strength can you dial up to help you manage that overuse pattern?

Categories : Strengths, Weaknesses